Five Ways to Bond With Your Kids When You Don't Like to "Play"

kathryn@growasaparent.com (Kathryn Seibert) — Sat, 12 Aug 2023 12:38:06 GMT

Between hectic schedules and a never-ending to-do list, the phrase, “Play with me!” can feel daunting for some parents.

It’s not that you don’t want to prioritize time with your child, but the traditional sense of “playing” often feels awkward when you’ve outgrown this stage of your life and cumbersome when you have a million other things going on. When my kids were little, playing make-believe or Barbies felt like torture when I knew I had laundry piling up and dinner to cook.

Since going through my own parenting transformation and becoming a parent coach , now I work with clients on how to embrace play, no matter what you have going on around you. Playing is our children’s love language and is a great way to bond with them. The good news is that bonding with your kids doesn’t have to feel like traditional playtime. This bonding and connection time fills their cup and sets you up for less whining for your attention later when you really have to get things done! Below are five creative ways to play with your children when you don’t feel like playing. Set a timer and try to give them your full attention.

LEGO or Magnatiles have always been a hit in our house. They allow your kids to get creative and you can direct the play if participating feels challenging. Ask them to build specific structures or vehicles while you sort the shapes and colors.
For kiddos who are perpetual motion, get a large, light ball that you are comfortable having in the house. Sit on the couch and see how many times they can bounce it back and forth with you. Another fun game for these energetic kids is “Keepy Uppy.” (Special thanks to Bluey for this classic!) Blow up a balloon, tap it back and forth and try not to let it touch the ground! This one is sure to get the giggles going and access your playful side.
Instead of conventional outdoor play , organize a nature scavenger hunt. This is one we adopted during pandemic times and still love. Create a list of items for your kids to find, such as specific leaves, rocks, or flowers. Encourage them to use their observation skills and work together as a team. This activity not only connects you with nature but also allows your children to learn about the environment and develop problem-solving abilities.
Set up a fort with sofa cushions, or better yet, a nugget couch if you have one! Drape a large sheet over the backs of kitchen chairs. Bring fairy lights, flashlights, snacks and books and read to them. Face it towards the TV and have a family movie night. This one is especially fun on those rainy days and fosters a sense of closeness and togetherness.
Turn your home into a mini science laboratory and carry out simple experiments with your kids with things you probably already have in your pantry! Whether it's making volcanoes erupt with baking soda and vinegar or the wacky solid/liquid mixture, oobleck, science experiments can be incredibly engaging and enjoyable! These experiments are not only entertaining but also promote critical thinking and curiosity.

The key to making these activities enjoyable for both you and your children is to be present and enthusiastic. By participating wholeheartedly, you demonstrate to your kids that spending time together is valuable and cherished, even if it doesn't feel like traditional play.

If you're looking for more parenting support and tips to connect with your kids, start by getting my free tools to Connect for Cooperation HERE !

One Thing I Would NEVER Do Again As a Parent

Mon, 28 Sep 2020 20:02:52 GMT

If you feel like simply getting out the door on time (tie your shoes… where’s your coat… do you have your lunch??) is a battle, the reality is that you are locked in a power struggle with your child.

Someone will “win” and someone will “lose.”

And while this can be hard to recognize in the moment, power struggles are counter productive when it comes to cultivating a loving, healthy relationship with your child.

Power over dynamics are ubiquitous in our culture. However, when we tap into a larger truth we can see that everyone is divinely worthy of their own thoughts, emotions and experiences.

Yep! Even your kids. When we succumb to the candy of a power struggle, we are diminishing our child’s (the one we’d gladly dive in front of a bus for) self-worth, inner authority and ultimately, causing separation in the relationship through an erosion of trust.

While the stakes of this seem small when children are young, this can lead to really negative repercussions when these little cuties turn into big cuties. Teenagers who aren’t in communication with their parents about big challenges make poor decisions.

However, when trust and communication strategies are established early, there is an unshakable foundation that you child knows they can rely upon. They will come to you. Even when things are hard.

This is not a case for permissive parenting.

Clearly, we are charged with teaching our children to behave in acceptable ways, and to embody the values that we hold dear. I’ve learned that this is far more effectively done through conscious communication and emotional demonstration than the old “power over” ways that most of us were parented.

When my kids were little, I was a HUGE fan of the show “Supernanny.” She relied on a punishment and apology frame. Time outs were the relied upon method of bending a 3-year old to your will as a parent. (I personally loved the show because it made me feel like other people were way worse at this parenting thing than I was, and I wasn’t particularly confident in my skills at the time.)

I implemented her methods with gusto.

You will put on your shoes, or else….

You will eat your broccoli, or else…

You will NOT hit your sister, or else…

Time out.

The deal was your kiddo was supposed to sit there for the number of minutes as their age, then apologize. If they didn’t apologize they had to sit there for another round.

I knew that this method wasn’t going to work the day my 3-year old son sat on that step for well over an hour (you do the math). But then… even worse, he wouldn’t look at me for the rest of the afternoon.

I’d damaged our relationship in the name of control, and I vowed I would never do it again.

The key is to learn to be an authoritative parent that sees, understands and respects the individual experience of your child. When you communicate clearly, and are willing to own your own emotional experience, while allowing this little human to own his or hers, you can be in a powerful cooperative relationship.

Power struggles will sometimes (rarely) be necessary. So save them for when they count.

kathryn-seibert

Five Ways to Bond With Your Kids When You Don't Like to "Play"

Between hectic schedules and a never-ending to-do list, the phrase, “Play with me!” can feel daunting for some parents.

One Thing I Would NEVER Do Again As a Parent

If you feel like simply getting out the door on time (tie your shoes… where’s your coat… do you have your lunch??) is a battle, the reality is that you are locked in a power struggle with your child.